It's all the things we can't explain that make us human.

"We live in a house made of each other, and if that sounds strange that's because it is."

   Everybody, every single human being, will suffer at some point in their life. Maybe it's the loss of a loved one, a bad test grade, a so-called "friend" tossing them away. No matter how great the force is, we're all the same. We all go through it. Some of us are crushed under the weight. That's how strong it is. It smashes hope to pieces. It makes even the kindest, most amazing human being feel like an insignificant piece of dirt. But we move on.

   If we let suffering bring us down, then we will truly have nothing left. Letting it win is giving up every ounce of hope you still have, hope that can't be replaced.
 
   When people suffer, they tend to hide away, believing that no one notices or cares. They put on a mask that hides their true feelings, relying on their "everything's okay" face to get them through life. They hide within this facade and decide it's better there, where no one can hurt them but themselves. I've been behind this facade too many times, and I still never learn my lesson. Why should I burden someone else with my problems? Isn't it easier to just deny my need for help and simply pretend to be okay? That's not lying to my friends, is it? That's not betraying there trust and hurting their feelings, right?

   I'm tired of people curling in on themselves because they don't think anyone can help them. Thousands of people commit suicide because they refuse to look for help, going to such lengths by denying help if it is offered. The truth of it is, every single human suffers, and whether the force is strong or simple, it's all the same. We all fight the same battles, so why don't we fight together? Why do we shut out everyone who could help?

   I don't mean any offense to anyone, and I don't hate anyone for it, but I feel hurt by this. It feels like selfishness. You're really so stubborn to stay miserable, aren't you? You won't let me help. Isn't that what you want? You want it to stop? Maybe I can make that happen. Even if I can't, a little support could help you, right? But no, I can't even do that much, can I? What kind of person am I if I can't even comfort one of my closest friends?

  In truth, this isn't a spur-of-the-moment post. This is going out to someone who I think has been suffering greatly as of late. Someone who doesn't think anyone else cares to notice.

 So yeah, it makes me feel like crap. It makes me feel like a lousy friend. Because true friends know that they are always welcome, no matter the circumstances. It's not rude. It's not harmful. It hurts more to never have a chance with you.
                               I just want it to be like the old days.

Lyrics:
Human- Civil Twilight
Tiny Glowing Screens Part 2- Watsky

If I stumble, they're gonna eat me alive

"If we're still alive, my regrets are few.
If my life is mine, what shouldn't I do?"

I feel like I'm drowning. 
Figuratively, of course, but it's still scary. It's as if I'm floating in the ocean, and every wrong move I make is more water entering my lungs. There's no point in trying to swim up to the surface. There's truly nothing I can do but wait for that last mistake, the final mouthful of water, that ends it completely. I don't have any say in it at all. 
This is what I hate about myself. Don't get me wrong, I hate myself for a lot of reasons, but this is one of the main ones, my biggest fear. I'm afraid of being rejected. And lately, that's been happening. A lot. 
There's a difference between being alone and being alone. I love being by myself, just me and my iPod and a good book. That's by my own choice. It's my escape. 
But being rejected? It's being alone in the knowledge that no one, not one person wants to be with you. And that, to me, is terrifying. 
It's happened enough times already. I've basically forgotten all of my childhood friends except a certain few who wish me a Happy Birthday, if they even remember to do that much. The first years of high school were great. I loved being able to sit down at the same table as all my friends, being able to look at them all and talk and laugh with them every day for lunch. But now that we have the option of off-campus lunch, I never get to see any of them anymore. I see them maybe once a day and muster a hello, but I want more than that. I feel like they're all getting torn away from me. 
I guess I can't blame anyone but myself. It's my own fault, I suppose. I just wish I was strong enough to have control over my own life, but I feel like I don't even have that much. I'm controlled by my own weakness, my desire to be wanted by at least one person, to be needed by them. And because of that, I feel like I've lost everyone else. 
I'm not quite sure where this is going. It just feels good to get it all out. I can't stand the idea of losing anyone, but it's as if I have to choose between one or the other. I can lose them, or I can lose her. And I can't bear losing either. 
The water holds me down, putting pressure on my body and keeping me far beneath the surface. It's dark here, and when I think I see a light out of the corner of my eye, it's gone when I turn towards it. Water pours into my lungs each time I try and fail.
I feel like I'm drowning. 

Song: Help, I'm Alive       Artist: Metric