Numb.

"I've become so numb. I can't feel you there."


     Being totally honest here. I suppose I need to re-think my friends list. I'm not really sure what I expect of other people, of what my future will be. When I think of a friend, I think of someone always there. Loyal, like our ever-present, if constantly annoying, hufflepuff. Why can't everyone be a hufflepuff? There, like, the perfect companion. Loyalty. Is that so hard to come by these days?
      I try so hard to be the person people can go to when they need advice or caring or prayer, and I hate to say it, but what do I get in return? Boring summer days, each one like the last, spent watching TV or writing stupid posts, or wandering around outside until I get sunburned. I talk to people, talk about all the things we can do this summer, and yet none of it ever happens. I know I won't be going to Wet-N-Wild with that person, or having a movie marathon with another, and at this point, I don't even know if I'll be able to celebrate his birthday with him. 
   I'm tired of being 'that person', only talked to when someone is sad or bored. I'm tired of being ignored when I really want to talk about something but don't know how to bring it up, afraid of losing a friend or something. 
     At first, I thought the title of this post was just random, but it isn't. I really do feel numb. I realized that about ten minutes ago, when I cut myself for the first time. Now I'm crying, not really from the pain, but cos there is none. I don't want to waste my time anymore, not with people who only want me when they need me. 
Honestly, I don't even think anyone is going to read this, or if they do, even get what I'm talking about or feel what I'm feeling. I don't expect anyone to pity me. I'm only writing this because it's better than thinking about it over and over. And keeping it locked in my head or my computer does nothing. It's only when I publish it that it really makes me feel better. 
    I'm just sickened by everything around me, including myself, and it pains me to know that there's nothing I can do about it. It makes me wonder how much a difference a little hufflepuff can really make. 
~Liz

Far From Farewell...

Hey, y'all. Just a quick little post here. Not that it really matters, but I'll be at camp for the next week, starting tomorrow, so I won't be posting anything. Hopefully I can think of some new stories to post when I get back. Anyway, my boredom has increased from Photoshop to coloring (yes, it's that bad). But I'm pretty proud of the one I've been working on. I haven't finished yet, cos I'm really nervous about their eyes. I may put it on here when I finish. But here's one that I worked on for a while, and I like it a lot.
Before:

After I got my hands on it:

As you can see, this is what I've been doing for the past week. I need serious help. >.>

Love you guys, 

and see ya next week

maybe

RANDOM PHOTOSHOP

This is what happens when you leave me alone with my laptop.
Be warned.
Probably more to come, cos I'm really bored.

shadowing SUNS;

"Who would dare to love again,

if all cuts and every burn should awaken

and open wide the wounds again."

           There were two of them, one boy the perfect replica of the other. Both had the same pitch black hair and striking green eyes, the same narrow, beautiful features. And both were fawned over by their father. Just before he died, he split the kingdom in two, and allowed each boy to rule over his own half. Excited, the boys rode off in their own direction, both eager to scout what their father had given them. 

     The eldest brother was thrilled at his findings. He gained rolling hills and streams, and prosperous villages filled with fascinating creatures. The people of his kingdom accepted him with open arms, and built him a tall castle of pale white crystal. The brother was glad to rule over them.

    The younger brother, on the other hand, rode until it grew dark, but he still remained in the thick wood that occupied his half of the kingdom. When it finally opened, the brother saw dark, soaring mountains, a black ocean, and various plantations harvested by strange beings. They called themselves elves, fairies, demons, and they, too, welcomed him happily. They taught the boy, who had grown up in the safety of his father's castle, how to harvest crops and climb trees. They built him a huge castle of black stone, set into the side of the mountain. Over time, they taught him their tricks, how they would often deceive those who dwelled in his brother's neighboring kingdom by stealing crops and material, like the glowing crystal they cherished so much. The boy was fascinated and hung on their every word. 

         There passed some time that neither brother spoke to the other, for they were too busy ruling   their new kingdoms, and trouble spread in areas between the two lands. The dwellers of the first  kingdom told the eldest brother that those in the neighboring kingdom had stolen a great supply of  their precious crystal with no intention of trading or buying for it. This, of course, was the truth,   and he believed them. The younger brother knew of the trouble as well, for it was his plan to steal the crystal in the first place. Seeing that it would help his own kingdom, he felt so sympathy for the loss his brother's land suffered. 

       Tension laced between the kingdoms, and, fearing unbalance, the eldest brother requested a meeting with the younger. Out of sheer curiosity of what would unfold, the younger agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~^~~~~~~~~~^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^~~~~~~~~~^~~~~~~~~~~

   He was early.

     He sat on his horse on the stretch of dirt road that ran between his kingdom and his brother's. On his right, a long plain was splayed under the dark night sky, and tall stalks of corn reached up towards the stars. On his left, a barrier of trees rose and thickened like a wall that ran for miles and miles, and  their branches reached further than the corn stalks, but still could not catch the sky. The brother was not looking right or left; he was staring straight, right up the dirt road toward the enormous castle that sat there. It wasn't long deserted, yet cobwebs gathered in the corners of the dark windows. Vines crept along the side wall in thick tangles. He had lived there not four years ago, but the sight gave the boy chills. 

         "Brother."

     The boy turned his head to see a figure on a horse approaching. His older brother was clothed in fine clothes of white, gold and green. On his head he wore a golden crown not unlike the one their father used to boast. 

         The younger brother nodded in response and greeting to his elder. "Brother."

    He had hoped to see something. After not meeting for years, he had expected his older brother to be glad to see him, but he couldn't spot even a ghost of a smile. Then he cursed himself silently for being disappointed. He guided his horse over to the wall of trees.

     "Cyprian-" his older brother started, as if he feared the younger planned to leave. But      Cyprian only slid down from his horse and tied the reigns to one of the lower branches. He turned back to his brother and straightened his cloak, which hung like a black blanket around his body. "You wanted to discuss something?"

       Cyprian crossed his arms as he waited for his brother to respond. The older boy climbed down from his saddle, but held the reigns in his hand. The horse made no move to leave her master's side. 

      "Yes," he answered, "I'd like to address the thefts occurring in my kingdom, the same thefts that I'm told are caused by your villagers."

    Cyprian thought of how to respond to this. "Are your people suffering from these thefts?"

   "Are you saying your villagers aren't responsible?"

   "I'm not saying that at all," the younger brother smiled slightly, "simply that if they do not suffer, the crime isn't too great."

       "You're wrong," the older boy said. 

Cyprian's smile faded. His brother was serious, he knew, and couldn't know that it was he behind the attacks. 

      "What do you want me to do, Stephen? Hold a hanging?" He was joking, of course, for he would do no such thing. He was appalled when the older boy replied,

          "Perhaps it would be best."

   Cyprian met his brother's hard gaze. "Stephen, what a thing to say! I've never known you to so easily condemn a man."

      Stephen remained cool. "As I have never known you to host a den of demons. But I'm afraid we are both aware of new knowledge."

     Cyprian scowled. "Well, perhaps my people would not have to steal if yours would not deny our trades."

     "They deny trades because they don't care to barter with trickster fairies. There is no right to the thieving."

    "My people need to survive! Why else do you think father gave me the land? I'm to ensure their safety and health."

    Stephen looked over to the castle and mumbled, "I wish he'd never given it to you in the first place."

      Cyprian blanched. How could his brother be so selfish? "Why do you say that?"

   Stephen shot his brother a dark look. "Don't you see what's become of you? Father most likely left them to you so you could change them and make them better, but instead you became as bad as they are!"

     Cyprian was shocked at his brother's harsh words, and anger boiled inside of him. "So, do you think your land would be better off without mine?"

     Stephen said nothing, but he didn't need to. Cyprian knew the truth. Scowling, he pulled himself onto his horse and galloped into the trees, his brother left silent and seething behind him. Cyprian rode back to the villages and spoke with his people. He watched them chatter amongst themselves, then, with grand smiles, the fairies and demons taught Cyprian how to make weapons. 

((This is really just something random I came up with to pass the time. I'm not even going to bother reading over it, but yeah. Hope you enjoy.))